


Misconceptions

by Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)



Category: Youtube - RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Felix teaches literature/psychology, Jack teaches band, Jealous Jack, M/M, Mark teaches chemistry, Teachers, feel good, harmless rumors, just a pleasant au, nutella and banana sandwiches rule, rumor mill fun, students shipping teachers, they're all three teachers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 03:32:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15765735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks
Summary: Mark is tired of his students thinking he's fucking either of his best friends. Jack's great, but no thanks. Felix is awesome, but again, hard pass. And he'd appreciate a little more accuracy in the crude pornography drawn in the corners of the notes his students pass. Everyone knows that Jack can't suck dick for shit.





	Misconceptions

**Author's Note:**

> my friend sent me that [thing](https://twitter.com/pewdiepie/status/1032228680460914688) felix retweeted and my only thought was **excuse me why is jack a fucking writing teacher that bitch doesn't even read**
> 
> thusly i wrote this garbo in like 30 minutes
> 
> thanks

_no no no mr fischbach is totally fucking mr mcloughlin_

Chemistry teacher Mark Fischbach stared hard at the note he’d confiscated from the students that stood in front of his desk, two out of three of them wearing expressions of extreme guilt while they awaited their punishment. They knew what was written on the note. They knew the exact phrase Mark’s eyes were being blessed with now having read. They also knew the drawing that was in the bottom corner that Mark didn’t want to stare at for too long.

Mark lied the paper down on his desk and drummed his fingers on the wood top. He had to think carefully about this. Kathryn and Ethan were two of his best students while Tyler couldn’t seem to give a shit about anything, ever, and still managed to get a solid C. Mark still liked him too, despite the apathy. He didn’t want to risk delving out too harsh of a punishment, honestly couldn’t be bothered with a punishment at all, but if he didn’t do something about this, they’d probably draw a conclusion of confirmation through avoidance. 

Mark sighed and took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. He again regretted not remembering his contacts this morning before Felix had shown up for the carpool. “I’m not in a relationship with any teacher in this school,” he said after a long moment of thought. “While I am well aware of all of the vapid rumors you kids pass around, I can promise you that Mr. McLoughlin and I are not in a relationship. Mr. McLoughlin is in a serious relationship with someone who is not faculty." Maybe, maybe not. "Please do not continue to bother him with these inane speculations.”

Ethan and Kathryn hung their heads while Tyler stared on with those dead eyes that sometimes made Mark’s skin crawl. “Please do not disrupt my class with this again,” Mark said, holding up the note before tossing it into the trashcan beside his leg underneath the desk. “And please— never draw pornography in school. Ever. I will have to call your parents next time.”

“Mr. McLoughlin has had a weird rash on his neck,” Kathryn said, her calculating mind working overtime and incorrectly and spitting out irrelevant information. “We couldn’t help but wonder.”

“Was it at least accurate?” Ethan asked.

Mark very much regretted ever throwing this kid any sort of friendly bone in the past. “There is something extremely illegal and not at all in accordance with school board rules for me to be discussing the accuracy of the pornography you drew of me and Mr. McLoughlin,” Mark said with deceiving calm. The drawing had been entirely inaccurate because Mark had learned after a night out with Jack for drinks that Jack had the gag reflex of a dead animal and would never be able to deep throat any cock of any size. “Please do not make this mistake ever again. And if you really are that insistent, please make sure I don’t catch you.”

The kids left and Mark heaved a huge, bone-deep sigh, before dropping his head to the desk. “I don’t get paid enough for this.”

“What was it this time?”

Mark looked up to see his fellow teacher Felix Kjellberg leaning against the doorframe with what had to be his fourth mug of coffee and a lazy grin on his face. Mark squinted. “Did you shave?” What had once been a strong beard was now just scruff along the lines of Felix’s jaw. 

“Yeah, seemed kinda necessary.” Felix moved into the room and sat across Mark’s desk in one of the student chairs. He set a bag down atop the desk and pulled out his lunch. Felix was Mark’s habitual lunch buddy. Mark made a quick gamble in his brain on what Felix had brought in today. He did a small, inner cheer when Felix pulled out the Nutella and banana sandwich instead of the peanut butter and banana. Felix was in a good place today. “What did they do?”

“They drew Jack sucking me off.”

Felix almost dropped his food. His brow flew up into his hairline as he took a bite of his sandwich. “Do they know that he, like, physically can’t?”

“I didn’t feel like they needed to know,” Mark replied. “Considering knowing may be a bit of a condemning detail for me to know.” He sighed and pulled out his own lunch. Apple slices, almond butter, carrot sticks, and hummus. His diet was extremely limiting. “Swear to god, Felix, they just get ballsier every day.”

“They’re good kids,” Felix said. “Kathryn and Ethan are bright. Tyler will probably be some sort of politician with that stone face he’s got going.” Felix smiled softly across the space to Mark and swung his foot out to lightly kick Mark’s desk. “Plus, like, it’s almost flattering. Do have so many people think you can get someone like Jack.”

Mark squinted at Felix. There was something in his eyes, something tinged. But he had a Nutella and banana sandwich. Why would he look sad like that? “Everything okay, Mr. Kjellberg? Got a bad batch of lit analysis papers or is it psychology? I thought that wasn’t until later in the day.”

“I’m fine, dude.” Felix kicked the desk again. “So I’ve been working on the dungeon finessing for tomorrow night, and I’m trying to come up with something that will actually freak Jack out, but I can’t—”

There was a knock at Mark’s door moments before students Bob and Wade came in. They both stalled at seeing Mark and Felix, acting as all awkward teenagers did when walking in on their teachers functioning like humans. “We, uh, can leave,” Bob said.

“What do you boys need?” Mark asked, sitting back and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Homework? Maybe the periodic table memorization?”

“Man, we didn’t have to memorize that in Sweden,“ Felix complained. “Why do you Americans make it so hard on yourselves?”

“Because we like a challenge.” Mark looked expectantly at his students. 

“Wade just really needed some help with the whole balancing equations thing,” Bob said, speaking for his quieter friend. “But if you’re busy—”

“Sit, sit,” Mark prodded, standing from his desk. “I’ll help you where I can.”

“I’ll leave you guys to that,” Felix said.

“Felix, you don’t—”

“Dude, it’s fine, I’ve got papers to grade.” Felix finished the last bite of his sandwich and gave Mark a friendly pat on the shoulder and one of his amazingly bright smiles. “You handle this. God knows that if I’d been smart enough for chemistry, I would have pursued it.”

“You’re plenty smart,” Mark said thoughtlessly. “Psychology isn’t easy.”

Felix just laughed, gave Mark a little wave, the students a short nod, and then left.

“I’ll get a couple exercises we can practice on,” Mark said, busying himself with the textbook. When Bob and Wade didn’t sit down, Mark looked up to them with a frown. “Is something wrong?”

They both looked a little owlish. “Do you and Mr. Kjellberg always have lunch dates?”

“He and I are in the same building, it makes sense that we would.” Then Mark realized the way his students had worded the question and groaned at the terrible error he had just made. “Please don’t.”

Bob and Wade were grinning like madmen. “So how do we balance this stuff?”

. . .

Mark came in a little earlier than normal the next morning, forgoing the usual carpool he and Jack and Felix had going for work because today was Friday and he was actually supposed to pick up the grub after school before their session and he needed his car. He sat down to mock up an easy quiz for the day, smiling maliciously to himself as he made all ten multiple choice answers out to C. 

There was a sigh and a grunt as someone sat down in front of Mark’s desk. Mark dragged his eyes up to see Jack thumping a beat mindlessly in the air with drumsticks. Mark sat back, waiting patiently for Jack to speak. Jack was watching Mark with an even stare, expressionless. But he hadn’t finished his song yet so Mark would have to wait. 

Jack finished with a flourish, twirling the sticks between his nimble fingers. Then he smiled placidly at Mark. “So I had the misfortune of being forced t’ use the student bathroom this morning on the main floor of the performing arts building,” he began, his Irish drawl always stronger in the early morning.

“What a nightmare,” Mark intoned. 

“Definitely,” Jack affirmed. “There was a dent in the wall, pretty sure one of our students has extreme anger issues. But that ain’t why I’m here.”

“Why are you, then? I thought you had some sort of jazz band practice this early in the morning.”

“Could you explain t’ me why I found ‘Mr. Fischbach hearts Mr. Kjellberg’ on the mirror in lipstick?”

“Lipstick in the boy’s bathroom?”

“It’s 2018, ya fuck, now explain yourself.”

Mark couldn’t keep down the load groan that erupted from his throat. “Look,” he sighed. “Felix and I had lunch together, same as we do every fucking day, right? And then Bob and Wade came in and they asked a really deceiving question using a fallacy I’m sure they learned from Felix himself and now they seem to think Felix and I have lunch dates.”

“Is that it?”

Mark winced. “I may have laid down quite a compliment before Felix left. He seemed a little down, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t from any self-deprecation. From an outsider’s point of view, I can see how it would have been a bit— intimate.”

Jack narrowed his eyes, then leaned forward to do an impromptu, yet somehow foreboding drumroll on Mark’s desk. When he finished, he flourished again and wrapped Mark across the knuckles. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to confuse Mark. “Don’t do that again.”

Mark snorted. “Maybe I will. Better than kids drawing porn of you sucking my dick.”

“Do they know I literally cannot do that?”

“I didn’t feel it appropriate to tell them.”

Jack sighed. “Ye' gonna get the pizza for tonight?”

“It’s why I actually drove myself to work rather than let Felix do it.”

Jack nodded, hit the table once more with the drumstick. “I want pineapple.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“You owe me.”

“For what?”

“Nothing. Just know that ye’ do.” Jack winked as he left. “Hope ye’ don’t find porn of you and Felix!”

. . .

Mark was carrying three pizzas and two liters of cola, making opening the door to Felix’s apartment a real feat of ability. He got the key Felix had given him literally years ago in after five attempts and opened the door mainly with his hip. Mark dropped the pizzas off on the kitchen island and was about to put the cola in the fridge when he saw movement on the couch. 

Mark snorted, figuring Jack was taking a nap, and crept up to it, waiting to scare the pants off of his friend. He could see Felix had set up their dungeon on the coffee table just beyond and there was their usual dungeon playlist queued up on the television. He wasn’t sure where Felix was, but it didn’t matter for now. Mark slinked up behind the couch, peered over the edge, ready to scream like a banshee.

The shriek lodged in his throat as he took in the sight of Jack pinning Felix to the couch, ravaging Felix’s mouth with Felix’s fingers tangled in Felix's hair. He couldn’t see Jack’s face, but he could see Felix’s. The Swede’s eyes were screwed shut, pleasure twisting his expression. Mark watched Jack roll his hips with sinful purpose, causing Felix to tear their mouths apart with a gasp. And then Felix’s eyes flew open. The headiness of sex that had been clouding his gaze cleared instantly when he saw Mark, replaced with fear. 

Mark said the first thing that came to mind.

“Kjellberg and McLoughlin, sitting in a tree,” Mark sang, a grin tugging at his lips. he felt rather stupid for having never noticed. Maybe Jack really had had a beard burn. “F-U-C-K-I-N-G.”

“Oh shit,” Felix said.

“Goddammit,” Jack groaned. 

“I need to get to school early Monday,” Mark said. “I’ve got to correct what those fuckers wrote on the mirror.”

“This ain’t—”

“Mark, we—”

“Save it,” Mark said, still smiling. “It’s been, what? A month? I’m gonna bet you’ve been together a month.” Mark reached down and slapped Jack’s ass. Jack reared up, eyes flashing, ready to fight. Mark just laughed and pushed Jack back down by his head. “Do me a favor and at least come out to me before the wedding.” 

Mark rounded the couch and dropped down to sit in front of the coffee table. “More dungeon exploring, less fucking.”

“You really don’t mind?” Felix asked, his voice raw and tiny.

“Why the fuck would I?” Mark asked. “Now I can just smile haughtily to myself while people speculate all of those insane things about me and you or me and Jack.”

“Haughtily," Felix repeated like he was in a daze. "Good word.”

“Can we just skip the whole homo crisis and understand that you two are some of my best friends and my only request is that you guys both have your pants on whenever I show up?”

Jack grabbed a game piece and threw it at Mark’s head, but he was smiling. “Tall order,” he said. “Felix looks best out of those jeans.”

“Groan,” Mark verbalized as Felix sat down at the head of the coffee table. 

Felix cleared his throat and tried to school his expression, this joyful little gleam pulling at his eyes. Felix chanced a glance up, catching Mark’s gaze. Mark smiled his widest for Felix. He was happy to know he’d had the right answer to put his friends most at ease. 

“Cut the emotional stuff,” Jack said, pouting a little. It finally occurred to Mark that Jack had come to his room this morning because he’d been jealous. 

“Where did we leave off?” Felix asked. 

“We skipped your whole rigamarole with the castle and went straight to the tavern.”

“Fuckers,” Felix grumbled. 

“Fuck off, it was smart,” Jack defended.

“You skipped all of the important information!”

“It ain’t important if we can solve this without it!”

Mark smiled at his friends and felt inexplicably happy for them. And he couldn’t wait to just crush every single stupid ship his students came up with in the face of the way Jack was holding Felix’s knee under the coffee table and Felix couldn’t keep that grin off his face.


End file.
